I Didn't Know

I didn't know.

People often ask ... "Did you know?" The question doesn't need more explanation as I do know what they are asking. The answer is "No.  I didn't know". There were so many things that I didn't know before Eliana was born. I never really thought about all that I was missing either. I was really content right where I was.

Well, God had different plans for my life. I'm thankful for the path I've walked, though it was not one that I would have chosen. I would not go back and choose a different path now though, as it would surely be a path without my precious daughter Eliana.

Before she was born, I didn't know, despite many ultrasounds, that she would come into the world with a little something extra. Something that is a part of every cell in her body - an extra chromosome. Isn't it amazing that something so very small can impact so many things?

I didn't know what it was like to look at my precious child for the first time and without anyone saying anything - I knew.

I didn't know what it felt like to hear that your child - your brand new baby - had a huge hole right in the center of her heart. (It turned out to be 2 holes.)

I didn't know what it felt like to sit in a hospital room without your new baby because the babies in NICU can't come out.

I didn't know that it would feel like being a new parent all over again when there were so many new things to learn. All of the confidence that comes with experience just vanished in the face of so many unknowns and fears.

I didn't know anything much about Duke Children's Hospital - or the wonderful people that work there. I didn't know how fortunate we are to have such a top-notch children's facility in our backyard.

I didn't know much about the heart works - or anything about the many ways that it can not be working the way that it should.

I didn't know what it would feel like to be isolated in my home - afraid to come into contact with any type of germ that would harm my medically fragile baby.  How much I would miss our field trips and even just visiting a friend's home.  Eliana and I stayed home, with the exception of medical appointments, for many months.

I didn't know the chills and fear that would go through my body when our cardiologist told us that Eliana was in heart failure. Those are words that just don't seem right for a newborn.

I didn't know the incredible love and support that was waiting for me and my family from family, friends and even strangers - many that would become friends. The power of an encouraging word has been a sweet gift to me. So many of you reading have blessed me and my family many times over - thank you!

I didn't truly understand the many ways that God is good. That despite my circumstances and despite the times that my prayers were not answered in a way that I wanted, God still remained good. I had to come to a place before Eliana's heart surgery where I was willing to say that I trusted and believed that God was good - even if the outcome of the surgery was not. Oh, that was a hard thing to do!  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking this.

I didn't understand how resiliant and loving children can be. Our 5 older children have been so patient with a mom who has had limited time and attention for them and were willing for their baby sister to get all of the time, love and attention that she needed. They have showered her with that as well and it is precious to see!

I didn't know that the sweet heart of my oldest daughter would be moved to start a project to help other heart babies get the help that they need.

I didn't know I could be a really good nurse - learning various medical procedures, equipment, rates and measurements and more.  I never envisioned my bedroom being a place with so much medical equipment.  I'm thankful though we could care for her at home and not have to spend endless months at the hospital as some people do.

I didn't know that feeding could be such a struggle.  I have always nursed my babies and loved the ease and beauty of that relationship.  I didn't know I would feel like such a failure when this didn't work out.

I didn't know the fear of waiting for various test results and the relief and happiness of hearing that something tested just fine!  What sweet words to hear "normal" in regards to her hearing after having her fail the test repeatedly since birth.

I didn't know the JOYof having a day with no feeding tubes.  The thrill of seeing my daughter eat on her own after 8 months of using a feeding tube.

I didn't know how important it could be to have a pediatrician that truly knew my child and one that was available at any time for questions.  I didn't know what a blessing it would be to have our wonderful ped willing to see us on her off days when we were frightened by what was going on with our daughter.

I didn't know that despite all of my efforts to protect my baby, that she could still get a horrible infection - and fight it with strength I didn't know she had.

I didn't understand fully the power of prayer and how it can knit hearts together.  I don't always understand how prayer works.  I used to think it was about getting what I wanted, but now I think it's more about making me who I need to be, making sure my heart is where it needs to be.

I didn't know that if I just quit fighting to get my way, that the fall into God's arms would be so much easier. The rest and the peace of laying in His arms is so much better than the struggle of fighting for what I think is best.

I didn't know the pain of knowing that some people might see my beloved daughter as a mistake or an error or a project that needed to be fixed.  Or the weight of wondering what the future will hold. 

I didn't know how much I would love this precious little girl who has already changed my life in so many ways.

I didn't know that one so little could bring together so many people in prayer. I didn't know she would touch so many lives and hearts with her story.

I didn't know that being a parent could be so hard - and still worth every single moment for the joy that comes from loving a child.

I didn't know the incredible privilege and joy it would be to welcome Eliana Joy into our family and our hearts forever.

I'm sure that I still have much to learn. There are things I do know in the midst of all that is different.  I know that children are a blessing - ALL children no matter the circumstances.  I know that we have been abundantly blessed in so many ways.  I am often told that my hands are full - when truly it is my heart that is full. 

I know that through it all God will walk with me each step of the way.  He does answer prayers - though not always in the ways that I hoped or even expected.  My sweet girl is a reminder of this in many ways - even her name.  Eliana means "My God answers" - and her middle name is Joy.  I'm thankful that my God is there, ready to answer me with joy.  I have a hope - we all do.  We don't know what lies ahead, though we can know that we are precious in His sight - fully loved and cherished.

Love,

Leslie

Fall Fun

I wanted to add a few pictures of some of our Fall Fun.  I feel like I haven't added any fun details in awhile.  First let me start with a cute picture of Eliana.

Before Eliana got sick we spent a few days doing some fun things - a visit to the State Fair to pick up our entries.  It was interesting seeing the fair as it was being set up and as it was taken down.  I wondered how long it would take to clean up the mess that was there. 

We also visited the Farmer's Market.  The younger boys went on a color hunt to see if they could find things for sale that represented various colors on their list.  The colors we saw were just beautiful and the boys did a good job in their search.

Rebecca and her friend Hanna were working on a project to find as many varieties of potatoes as they could.  All of us enjoyed the various samples that were available. 

This was also a good time to buy a few (small) pumpkins - and to have a traditional picture taken.

We also visited a corn maze with some friends.  There were clues hidden in the maze with educational questions/answers written on them.  It was fun - and also confusing!  We missed a couple of clues - which Christopher went back to find.  They had pedal cars, a barrel train and a hay ride. 

Roger and I celebrated (well, that isn't really what happened) our 18th wedding anniversary.  He brought me some beautiful roses and a very sweet card.  We had our hands full with sick little girl so no special outing this year.

Eliana is doing better.  She is feeling well - no temps.  Her feeding is pretty much back to normal and she even ate some baby food yesterday.  I've been so focused on getting her liquids in that solids have taken a back seat.  She is improving though and that is encouraging.  She still has diarrhea - and sounds like that may continue for awhile yet.  This is definitely a sign that the bacteria is still in her system.  Just tonight she woke in the wee hours - and has a bloody stool again.  I'm hoping that this won't  pick up again! 

Thankfully this has not spread to anyone else.  We are hoping have one designated diaper changer will help in this effort!  We still haven't gotten a call from the health dept.  Maybe we won't - I really don't know.  I'm not sure at this point we'll ever know where she got it.

I did receive another note from her ped.  She told me that her g-tube should be fine!  No need to care for it any differently.  She said the bacteria doesn't like to live in the stomach so we should be fine.  Her g-tube site doesn't seem to be as sensitive and is looking better too.

I had asked if it was possible that I touched something and then passed it on to her - touching her hands or her bottle while we were out.  (Just trying to figure out where she could have gotten this as she really hasn't touched much at all!)  Here is part of her reply to me.

YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!  If your hands were contaminated, you and the others should have gotten some illness.  We can't keep her in a bubble, and the toughness with which she handled this just tells us that she is one tough kid.

I know I keep saying it - and yes, I've told her too - our ped is a treasure!  Truly a special blessing from God in so many ways.

Well, there is always more... a tea party with our Keepers Group, a fun day of schooling today, the boys building a treehouse with their Dad.  That will have to wait for another day.  Let me end with another cute photo of Eliana. 

I am thankful for a time to post when there aren't many requests.  Life is settling down and we are finding our "new normal".  We are continuing to pray for Eliana's health - that she would be healed and suffer no long-term consequences.  We also continue to pray that this would not be spread.  I am very thankful that thus far it has remained contained!

I have much to be thankful for -

*a beautiful, loving and fun family

*a devoted husband and father

*encouraging and faithful friends

*material and physical comforts

*freedoms to live as we choose

~ and most of all a God who cares about each detail of our lives.  In the midst of dirty diapers, whining or complaining children and a house in chaos it can be hard to have the proper perspective.  This past year has given me new eyes to see a lot of things differently.  I am thankful for this new viewpoint and hope that I can continue to learn to look at things and see them the way God does.  To spend my efforts on things that really matter and let go of those that don't.  I think I'll be learning this for the rest of my life.  I'm glad that I have a patient teacher.

Blessings to you all,

 

I'm published!

I have some exciting news!  I'm not sure if I have shared this before - but I have had a small piece published in a magazine!  I am excited!  It's wild to see my name in print!  This is not something I ever would have imagined.  My sweet friend Tami told me earlier this year that she was writing a piece for The Old Schoolhouse magazine (it's a homeschooling magazine).  She was writing about Five in a Row quilts and was looking for others to share their story.  I told her that I would love to participate and she allowed me to co-write the article with her.  She is a delightful and encouraging friend. 

I know that I've shared this before - I don't consider myself a "writer".  I've never had much confidence in my skills and only started this blog as a means to communicate with others about Eliana.  It seemed a great way to share news and photos.  I never realized that it would become so much more.  It has become a place for me to share the ups and downs of life with a special needs child in an open way.  It has become a place of encouragment as many reach out to pray for our family.  It has become a place where God is declared.  At times too, I'm told that others are encouraged by my words and I can only credit God.  I continue to be humbled that He would use anything I say to bless someone else.  Truly, He is good!

I thought you might like a peek at the piece that I wrote and a picture of the quilt to go along with it.  I actually have another quilt too - but don't have a photo of it at the moment.  Maybe I can add that tomorrow.  I've added the photo.  This is a quilt that has been pieced for YEARS - but I haven't gotten around to doing anything more with it.  It does with Before Five in a Row.  Each square represents a different children's picture book.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I've had to remove the article.  I didn't realize that the writers have an exclusivity agreement not to post or share in print or digitally for 180 days after the magazine was published.  Sorry about that.  If you are interested in reading it, let me know.  A friend is sending a few extra copies of the magazine.  Or, if you are really patient - I'll post it again in 6 months. 

*~*~*~*~

Maybe, just maybe I can do something with my writing.  I'm not sure.  I'm just trying each day to walk the path that God has layed before me.  Sometimes I'm not even walking it - I'm being carried.  I'm thankful that I'm not alone.

With love,

Leslie

Diagnosis is in ...

and it definitely was not what we thought it was going to be!  Our ped, Dr. L, just called to let me know that the lab reports had come back.  She asked if I knew what it was and I said "rotovirus".  She said "No, it's Salmonella poisoning".

She was shocked - as was I.  She said that it did explain the bloody stools she has been having.  It also explains why she has been so very sick.  Poor little girl!

My mind started reeling and wondering what I had done wrong and how I could have prevented it.  (Is this a reaction that other mothers have?)  Dr. L asked if anyone else had been sick and I said no.  She asked if anyone had been sick before Eliana and again the answer is no.  We've all been really healthy.  She said that based on this, that Eliana did NOT pick this up in our home.  It had to have been from an outside source. 

Dr L told me over and over not to feel guilty.  Yes, she has seen me often enough to know I'd think this.  Or maybe she has seen enough parents to know that this is a normal reaction.  The fact that nobody else has gotten sick when this is highly contagious she said speaks volumes to the good job we are doing in keeping hands clean.  She said we will need to continue to do "crazy handwashing".  Eliana will have this in her stools for weeks.  :-(  So there remains the risk for all of us of contracting this - though hopefully small since we will know to be very careful. 

I'm to expect a call from the health department - as well as any of the places we had been in the days prior to Eliana getting sick.  I've already placed a call to the one indoor place we had been.  The calls aren't to place blame but to help stop the spread of this bacteria.

Why am I feeling guilty?  I'm racking my brain trying to figure out where this came from.  What did I miss?  Most of the places we have visited have been outdoors.  She really doesn't get down and touch much of anything.  I did let her touch 1 toy at a class we attend for my older boys.  This was the first time that I let her sit with me during the class thinking it would be safe.  I have a photo of her touching 1 pumpkin at the Farmer's Market.  In spite of Dr. L telling me that I'm not at fault, I still feel guilt for not protecting my little girl.  I know - I can't protect her from everything.  I just want to.

Dr L also said that Eliana is tough as steel.  She was amazed at how well she handled something so horrible.  She said that many people end up in the hospital with this - from dehydration -  but not our tough little girl.  I'm thankful to know she is strong - in spite of all that her precious little body has been through.

I'm here with puddles in my eyes.  (Not sobbing or hysterical lest anyone wonder - just sad.)  Why does everything make me cry these days?  Both good and bad - I've turned into someone with leaky faucets.

On the up side.  Eliana is smiling.  She is also able to have a diaper changed without crying!!!  Praise God that she is feeling so much better.  Her eating is also improving, though not quite back to where it needs to be.

One other concern is her g-tube site.  She has been much more tender there - Eliana cries when I clean it or try to use it.  It doesn't look infected, but I'm wondering if this may have affected it somehow.  She seems to have more discharge there too.  Just more things to ponder.  Thankfully I have a call in to our ped about this - and I know she'll get back with me tonight. 

With all of this new information, I realize that we have even more to be thankful for.  This was no run of the mill virus but something much more serious.  Thank you God for watching over Eliana and keeping her safe.  Thank you.

Thank you all for your prayers.

With love,

Leslie

So, for several weeks now we'll need to be careful with our little girl.  It will take that long - or longer - for the bacteria to leave her body.  It's times like this when I just want to hibernate.  Guess I'll be wearing her in my sling and being incredibly vigilent over what she is touching.

Day 7 (Wed) on the sickness

Hi friends,

***This was written very late on Tuesday night/Wed morning. 

Thank you for your prayers and encouragment.  I appreciate both! 

I'll start with the good news - Eliana is smiling again!  It's so heartwarming to see her beautiful smile.  I love to see her face light up and just radiate happiness.  She is a doll!  I'm taking her smile to mean that she is feeling better.  Yippee!  I wish I had a new picture to post.

This is DAY 7 of being sick.  She still has diarrhea - that's a long time!  Her bottom is still very red, sore and bleeding (though it seems to have diminished some this evening- Tues).  I keep thinking that it's got to end soon!  Usually these bugs last 24 to 48 hours, not days on end.  I'm thinking my friend RK is right - probably the rotavirus - which would explain why none of the rest of us have gotten it.  Our poor sweet baby. 

She is also not eating well.  She has not taken a full bottle at a feeding for awhile now.  She did better today than yesterday - but yesterday was not a good day.  She took about 5.5 ounces orally.  I obviously tube-fed her.  I'm thankful to have this option as I know it will help keep her home (instead of the hospital - not that you can always avoid this either!).  I'm trying to to be discouraged or worried about this set-back, though I'd be lying if I told you it hadn't crossed back and forth across my mind. 

I had someone comment today that I seemed like a wonder woman - and I have to say I am NOT a wonder woman!  I fail and fall down over and over again.  I hesitate to comment sometimes on my failings.  It's not that I want to be seen as perfect - I'm not even close!  I guess as a homeschooler I've heard too many stories of people that are falsely accused of not caring for their children properly and I would never want people that think that is going on in our home.  I love our children deeply and am very invested in their lives and their schooling - but I still fail and don't accomplish all that I would like to.

I thought today of posting that I was still in my sweats at noon - the sweats that I'd slept in after having been up until 4am.  (Thankfully I was also able to sleep in.)  I thought about sharing that I hadn't done any schooling with my children other than reading the Bible to them until then either.  Should I keep going and share how I lost my patience when they were loud and fussing with each other.  *sigh*  Things got better after lunch and we were able to get some good schooling in. 

I sometimes wonder who is going to learn more on this homeschooling journey - my children or me.  I'm almost certain it's going to be me.  I'm learning every day that it's not about me.  I'm learning that on my own, I certainly can't accomplish anything worthwhile.  I'm learning how much I need my savior - and His love, patience and wisdom each and every day. 

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.  Phil 2:13

I remain thankful,

Leslie

Monday update on Eliana

Well, things are better - and a little worse.  Overall, she is healing from whatever nasty bug she has gotten.  Thankfully, nobody else has come down with it.  RK, I think you are probably right on what it is - rotavirus.  Not sure we'll know for sure (though they did do a stool culture, so maybe?).  Not that it matters at this point in terms of  treating it.  She is not vomitting, is able to eat some and fever has subsided.

The worse part is her diaper rash.  It's red and bloody (at times - not all the time but getting more frequent).  Poor sweet baby just cries when I lay her on the changing table.  :-(  She is sounding hoarse from her crying too.  It's so hard to have a little one in pain and feel that you can't do anything about it.  At least this pain is something that *I* can tolerate as I know it will get better.  When she was in pain after her heart surgery - that was scary and very hard for me to handle.  (I know it isn't about me, but as a mom I just want to take away her pain.) 

Anyway, I'm trying a variety of tips and tricks I've received from friends and hoping that some/any of them will help.  I've spent much of the day trying to help - and consequently my house is a WRECK!  We've gotten no schoolwork done - except the Bible lesson that Rebecca did for the little boys.  Guess a day off is good for all of us.  Oh, and speaking of Rebecca - she made all of us breakfast!  A beautifully decorated table and delightful smells greeted me when I came downstairs.  She had made french toast, fried pepperonis, breadsticks, fresh fruit and juice/milk for all of us.  What a sweet way to start the day!  Oh, and it was brunch which was even nicer for me since I got very little sleep last night as  Eliana was most uncomfortable.

I spent a good part of the afternoon trying some tips to help with her diaper rash.  I was told that rinsing instead of wiping and letting her have a good long soak would help.  So we tried this.  I had just spent several hours trying to get her to eat.  :-(  I thought getting her comfortable and then tube feeding her seemed like a good choice.  After her bath, I laid her in her crib and let her "air out".  I tried hooking up her tube which she did not want!  She tried pushing my hands away and cried for me to stop.  I did finally get her hooked in though.

After starting her food, I soaked a cotton ball with mylanta (to help with the acid) and dabbed it onto the diaper rash.  I continued to let it air dry.  I tried doing some laundry in between - and while I wasn't looking, she pulled out her feeding tube and fed the mattress.  *sigh*  I don't miss that!  I cleaned that up and started a new feed.  After letting her air out for awhile, I also put some diaper cream on, some cornstarch (to dry it out) on top and then a fresh diaper.  Within moments, she had diarrhea again.

My first thought was - I can't do this all day.  Then of course I realized that I can.  I can do this if it is what she needs.  It may mean that other things don't get done, but isn't that what happens in life?  We make choices with our time every day.  I've been trying to change my focus and instead of viewing interuptions as messing up my plans, I'm trying to think that this may be what God has planned for me today.  Whether it is an interuption of tending to a sick child or having a discussion that takes time away from something else, helping a friend instead of cleaning or whatever.  God has ordered my days and I need the reminder that my plans aren't the most important thing.  I'm hoping that I won't miss out on what God has planned for me by being so very focused on my own agenda.  This is a hard thing for me as I tend to be list-oriented and driven to accomplish things.  I'm learning - and I'm sure will have to continue to learn - to relax in regards to time, expectations and more.

I'm rambling for a few moments while I can.  LOL  I need to run to the store to try some different creams that have been recommended by friends.  I'm going to go see what I can find that might be a better help.  I appreciate prayers for wisdom in helping Eliana, wisdom in how I spend my time and mostly healing for our little girl.

I'm thankful that I can be home with her.  I'm thankful that she is feeling better.  I'm thankful that nobody else is sick.  I'm thankful for a dear friend that brought us a delicious dinner on Saturday - enough for several meals.  (Thank you Heather!)  I'm thankful that while my little girl isn't feeling well, that she is well enough for me to care for her at home and doesn't need a trip to the hospital. 

With a grateful heart,

Leslie

Saturday update

Thank you all so much for your prayers! I appreciate them all - those who have posted and those that are reading and praying without posting.

We met Eliana's ped this morning. I apologized for calling her and she was so kind about saying that it was no problem. I had told her last night that I'd never had a sick infant before and didn't really know what to do. She was amazed that with my "herd" (her word, not mine ) that I hadn't had to deal with this before.

Eliana was still running a fever - about 102. Still having diarrhea and a very sore bottom. Her bottom started to bleed while we were there. She did more blood tests (took the nurses 3 pokes to get it) and found that her numbers showed she is getting better. Dr L said it would still take time for it to get completely out of her system. I'm to try to manage her pain and just wait it out. She also told me to call if her fever spiked again or something else was wrong. I am so very thankful for her!

We would love continued prayers for

• Eliana's health - that she would recover soon and feel better.


• That her sore bottom would heal


• Continued health for the rest of the family


• Wisdom in caring for her - and patience in trying to juggle other demands

Overall, she does seem better. While she has a fever, it is nothing like the scary temps last night. She still is not smiling though which tells me that she still feels badly. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her little face is so pitiful. She is still having diarrhea often which means that her bottom hurts a LOT! She cries and cries with each diaper change. I've been using diaper creams and also tried washing in the sink on the last change (water instead of wipes) and she was much more comfortable with that! Thank you to a FIAR mom for suggesting it!

I'm amazed and thankful that this has not spread through our family. I'm not even sure where she could have been exposed and not the rest of us. It's going to make me feel a little more paranoid or vigilant about keeping her hands clean and away from things. This is the one thing I dislike about winter.

I'm very tired and looking forward to some sleep! Thank you dear sisters for your prayers.

With love,

Leslie

Fri night 11pm

Well, I had thought earlier that this was going to be a quick passing of whatever germ she has - but unfortuntately its going to last a little longer.  I've spent most of the day holding a precious baby that just feels pitiful. 

She is still feverish - had a temp of over 105 at 8pm.  She has diarrhea (sp - I should look that up!) which is making her bottom very sore!  (Yes, I'm putting cream on it though wish I'd thought to do it before it became raw.)  She is able to eat some, but has just been miserable for hours now.  When she isn't sleeping (usually on me)  she is often crying.  She just feels terrible - I'm not sure she has really even smiled today.

I did finally call our ped tonight when her fever was so high.  I gave her tylenol and it brought it down to about 103.  She advised me alternating with motrin.  She also thinks that she is probably just fighting a yucky virus since all of her bloodwork came back clear yesterday.  She is on call tomorow and wants me to bring her in early in the morning.  I hope she doesn't mind my calls.  I really do hate to bother her.  Why do I doubt myself sometimes?  I know I'll get more comfortable as time goes on - I can see it in other areas.  This is all uncharted for me though.  I'm thankful to have friends helping me on this path.  I'm so very thankful for the prayers and encouragment I've received.  God is good.

I was pacing with her earlier and pondering on how thankful I am that we live when we do.  For now, Eliana's health issues are treatable.  Even though serious and scary at times, her surgeries and medical procedures have all gone well.  In a different era, she wouldn't have made it, but now she has so many opportunities ahead of her.  I've been reading a couple of blogs of other children that are struggling with so much more.  It breaks my heart - and urges me to pray.  It reminds me anew that I  have so much to be thankful for!

I appreciate your prayers for Eliana and our family.  (So far, there are no signs that anyone else has any of this crud.)  I am thankful for much tonight.  It's been 3 hours since her last dose of tylenol and her fever is back to 104.  Time for the alternating meds.

Hug your children, tell your spouse that you love them, say a prayer for those God lays on your heart.  Give thanks.   God is good all the time.

Blessings,
Leslie

PS  Will update more tomorrow.

Fri about 12:30pm update

Hi Friends,

Thank you for your prayers and encouragment!  Eliana is doing better - though still not well.  I am encouraged and still hoping/praying that it will end soon and not pass around the family.

I stayed up with Eliana until after 3am.  She took a couple of small doses of pedialyte orally at midnight and 2am.  She also rec'd tylenol at 2am.  She did not throw up again and I didn't give any more formula.

She awoke about 7:45 and was fussy ,feverish and still having diarrhea.  I didn't take her temp, but just gave her tylenol.  I took her temp about 1.5 hours later and it had gone down to a little over 100.  I gave her pedialyte orally and she took 4 ounces.  She was hungry I think, but not sure about the temp (cold).  She normally takes her formula warm.  It's also thicker and I wondered if she would be bothere by the thinner consistancy of the water, but it didn't seem to matter to her.  That's good news!

Her ped called to see how she was doing.  She had also talked with the dr on call last night to fill him in on Eliana in case we had needed help.  Have I mentioned today that she is wonderful?!  She recommended that I try giving her a small amount of formula at her next feed to see how she would tolerate it.  She doesn't want her to lose too much caloric content since she has done so well to put on weight.

I fed Eliana again about 11am and she took 100cc of formula.  (A little over 3 ounces)  She typically takes 140cc.  So far, she is doing well with it.  She is currently napping on me.  My other sweet daughter just came in and suggested that I should take a nap while Eliana is sleeping.  Have I mentioned what a blessing she is to me?!  I need to go tell her that.

In terms of symptoms, it seems to be all G/I and not respiratory at all.  (Thankful to have skipped that part!)  It's just a waiting game now for her symptoms to go away.  She seems to 'feel" better at times and then gets fussy again.  We are just going to relax today and take it easy.  Dr L recommended that our week-end plans be cancelled - and then I shared what they were.  After hearing that we were planning a tea party, she wanted to find a way for Rebecca to be able to do that - wondering if I could pass on my responsibilities.  Those of you that know me, know that is hard.  I don't want to dump my work on someone else.  I'll do it though if it is what works best for everyone.  I have learned a lot about letting go of things this past year.

Will update more as I can.  Thank you for your prayers for our precious little girl.

With love,

Leslie

9pm update ...

Eliana just woke up from a long nap.  I thought it best to let her sleep.  She is burning up.  Temp over 104 again..  I fixed her a bottle - which she wanted.  She drank a small amount - less than an ounce - and then threw up.  :-(  My poor sweet baby.  I hate that she feels so badly. 

Please pray for her health and for wisdom as we treat her.  Pray that this would pass quickly from her - and not  pass to the rest of the family!

On a personal note, I've committed to do some things the next couple of days and I'd love wisdom on how to either do them, ask others to do them or just let them go.  I know my friends will understand.

Off to be with my baby,

Leslie