That is how I'm feeling today. Weary and sad. It is nothing big or terribly wrong - I think it all just hit me today. I'm just ready for some of the hard things to take a break for awhile. Maybe more realistically, I just need more of His strength and less of my own effort.
We had planned on going to our first field trip today - a park outing at a really great local park with our friends. During the night, Isaiah threw up. He felt better by the morning, though I'm not comfortable taking the kids out unless they have been well for at least 24 hours. Christopher had agreed to stay with him while the rest of us went to the park. This made Isaiah very sad. Eliana at this time is cranky and just not herself. Can you see where this is going? Yes, she got sick too. Not a lot - and just one time. Thank you God! She did remain cranky for a good part of the day though.
Well, that sealed it for all of us. We stayed home. We all really wanted to go, but will just have to look forward to the next outing.
I got an extra hour of sleep last night, but was still feeling tired. I'm finding it hard to get in good sleep with the times that Joshua needs to be checked. I was hoping to take a nap. Well, that wasn't to be either. When I checked Joshua at 3pm, he was 56 and not feeling it. (Yesterday at this time, he was a 44 and didn't feel it! That is very low - his lowest yet!) I had made an adjustment in his insulin at lunch, but think I'll adjust more tomorrow. It's better for him to run high than this low. (Yes, I did email his dr and have not heard back from her.)
This was a persistant low too. We treated it and tested. Still low. Treated and tested again. Better this time, but still not so high. Gave strong protein/carb snack. I don't even know how to explain how exhausting this disease can be. It just NEVER gives you a break. NEVER. I hate that he will have to deal with this the rest of his life.
In the midst of life, I was just feeling sad. Just weary and sad. (Please don't worry Mom, I'm going to be alright!) Like I said, it was nothing huge today, just feeling like some of it was catching up with me. I would love prayers to find peace, balance and perspective - to see God's path clearly - to see God clearly. I ran a brief errand tonight and it was a good time to listen to praise music and just cry a few tears. (I was stuck in traffic for about 15 minutes in a construction area.)
I know that God is still in control. I know that He loves me/us. I know that He is good even when life stinks and not just when life is good and rosy. I know that He has spent a lot of time the last 3 years carrying me. I'm thankful for Him.
I know He has promised to take my burden. The last 3 years have just dumped medical issues on our family - on top of way tooo many sickness this summer and also right after Eliana was born!
I've written and rewritten some of the next part. Here are some of the things we are dealing with or have dealt with in the past.
Me - osteo arthritis - diagnosed just before pregnant with Eliana. Dr told me it was a result of the severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum I had experienced in my pregnancies. (Extreme vomitting, hospitalizations, IVs, drugs, etc.) Some pain, loss of motion and my hands/joints are physically changing. :-( None of it is too bad now most of the time. If anyone has suggestions on how to treat this, I would love to hear them. My dr told me that there was nothing I could do.
Eliana - Down syndrome, feeding issues (NG tube and G tube), heart defect (repaired!), being watched for vision issues, has 5 therapies per week.
Other children (in case they don't want it all spelled out):
*Sensory Processing disorder. Therapy once per week. Feeding issues which have improved along with other things.
*Vision issues - all of my children are being followed. Five wear glasses. Eliana does not. Neither Roger or I wear glasses.
*Colorblind - 3 of my boys.
*Learning disability of some sort. In process of testing and hope to have answers soon.
*Juvenile diabetes. Kidney problems - possible surgery, waiting for further testing. Urology problems - probably surgery, waiting for specialist.
After typing this, I realize that I may sound like I'm complaining. I don't mean to be. Maybe I should just delete.
I'm so very thankful that we live where we do and have access to wonderful medical care. I never knew we would have need of such a variety of specialists. I'm truly thankful. I'm thankful for each of these precious children! God has blessed us richly and I am so thankful to be a Mom to each one of them. My life is richer because of each one of them and even though the trials have been hard, I've learned a lot. God has been good to us.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28