At times now I'm living aware of the importance of time - of making the most of the moments. It's probably a good way to live all of the time. Aware of the words I'm saying and choosing them carefully. Saying "yes" more often to the children even when it may not be most convenient for me. Taking time to make memories and to just have fun. Choosing the best and not just the easiest.
We've had Catherine's girls over here most of the day. It's been fun hearing the children playing and laughing together. Sharing a meal together - well in shifts due to tending to the babies - but still nice.
The children played in my bedroom tonight for a long time. I loved watching them and listening to them. I fixed the girl's hair in rag curls. It will be fun to see how it turns out tomorrow. I hope it's cute! They enjoyed giggling and being silly. We had some good discussions together and prayers too. I'm thankful for these times. I'm also looking forward to more of them in the future. I know it will be different, but it will just mean that I need to be more intentional with my time instead of casual with it.
I could probably stand to be more intentional in all of my relationships. Putting more thought into all that I do and say. Examining my heart, my motives and my actions. Making sure that I'm doing and saying the things that God wants so that I can become the person He has created me to be.
I know that I've had much time to ponder, pray and think about things over much of the last year. I've wrestled with God over a variety of things. I don't ever "win" and I'm not sure why I struggle so at times. When I'm afraid of the path that God has chosen, it's hard to just say "yes" sometimes, to surrender completely. I've still got much to learn. It's a good reminder for me to see how much I have to learn so that I don't become frustrated with my own children when they are struggling to obey or listen or learn.
Tomorrow our dear friends will head out for their new home. Please join me in praying for their transition. There will be many changes and challenges facing them - though I know that God's loving arms will be wrapped tightly around them. I know that He will care for them, led them and love on them. I know that this is true for us too. That doesn't erase the hurt and the sadness that we will feel, but hopefully peace will reign in our hearts and minds.
I'm feeling more at peace tonight than I have in quite awhile. I appreciate those of you that have encouraged me with your words and prayers. So many have shared stories with me that were so very helpful. I'm glad that God is able to touch my heart through these and other means. God is not through with me. He has carried me - even when I don't feel it - and been with me all along. I know this, but at times have to go through it again and again to believe it in a new way. I'm thankful for a patient and loving Father.
I'm thankful too for those of you that have been patient with me as I've rambled, ranted and cried. I've made myself vulnerable and with that can come great comfort and also more pain. It was a choice I made - though perhaps will make differently for the future. I don't know. For now, I am feeling God's peace that passes understanding. I needed to wrestle it out myself with God. My words though gave others a view to my struggles. I hope that in some small way that God will be able to use my own struggles to help someone else.
It's really not in my hands. I know that He can do amazing things out of a small and sometimes unsightly piece of clay. I'm willing to surrender. It's not like a choice anyway though is it?! Have your will Lord. Mold me as you will.
He is with me - as always.
With love,
Leslie
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