Tuesday, August 21, 2007

A Time for Mourning ...

My heart is aching.  Thank you for the notes and words of encouragment you have sent or posted.  I appreciate them greatly.  It's been hard over these months to deal with the changes in my life.  It's time for one more.    

In addition to that, Eliana is not eating well.   She didn't do too well on Sunday, but some of it was because she was asleep through a couple of feedings.  Between church, the doctors office and a meeting at my house, her sleep was very interupted.  It's plummeted in the last day. She was doing so well and I'm not sure what is going on.  She has been taking about one once at a feed.  About half of what she was doing.  I'm hoping that this isn't just a short phase - and something that will soon be corrected.

We see the surgeon on Friday about the problems with her button. I think that they will cauterize the site to eliminate the red swollen tissue. Please pray that the procedure goes well - no or minimal pain for Eliana. No infection.   I really don't know much about it.  I'm just willing to wait and find out more then.  The surgeon's nurse told me that the antibiotic Eliana is taking wouldn't help it at all with this issue. 

I'm struggling and find myself crying often.   It's been a sweet 17 years of friendship.  Walking through everything together. That is a really really long time. I just can't believe that in 2 days she will be gone.    I know we will still be able to talk.  I know we'll still be able to visit.  Yet I'm so sad to lose the closeness, the familiarity and the ease that we have now.

There are times when I feel like I've been walking in the wilderness - and it feels like there is no end in sight.  I'm feeling overwhelmed     I'm so tired of crying.  I long for a different time - back when things weren't so very hard - or better yet a new time when I'm better able to stand in the rain.  I feel very weak. - and need prayers for a stronger faith.  Thank you for your prayers