Friday, March 13, 2009

Ready? Or not?

Don't read on if you don't want to hear the ramblings of someone that is up too late and a little sad about things I have no control over.  Guess that may be a nice way of saying this post may not make you smile.  ;-) 

I started with what seems to be a mundane task.  Sorting and tagging clothes for a consignment sale.  I knew that some of it would be hard so I started with the biggest sizes.  Now, I'm down to the little things.  The things Eliana has worn.  And as I'm looking at them, I feel a tear slide down my face.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I'm not ready to let go of the baby years.

This week marks a year that our last little one was born into heaven.  I was almost 10 weeks and so thrilled about this baby.  I thought I was doing well this week not to be thinking about it too much.  But these tiny little clothes remind me.

I know God's timing and plans are  perfect.  I still miss that baby though.  If it had been a girl, Eliana's little things would be so cute.  She does have some of the sweetest outfits.  Of course, we have boy things to pass down too.  (Those have gotten a bit more wear though.)

So, do I just let go knowing that we may never have another baby?  Or just hold on and hope?  I know, my memories aren't tied to things.  Getting rid of them seems so final though.  I'm not doing the very gracefully, am I? 

One more opportunity to trust.  To let God have control and believe that He knows best.  Ready or not - He is in control. 

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)