Friday, March 13, 2009

Ready? Or not?

Don't read on if you don't want to hear the ramblings of someone that is up too late and a little sad about things I have no control over.  Guess that may be a nice way of saying this post may not make you smile.  ;-) 

I started with what seems to be a mundane task.  Sorting and tagging clothes for a consignment sale.  I knew that some of it would be hard so I started with the biggest sizes.  Now, I'm down to the little things.  The things Eliana has worn.  And as I'm looking at them, I feel a tear slide down my face.  Does this happen to anyone else?  I'm not ready to let go of the baby years.

This week marks a year that our last little one was born into heaven.  I was almost 10 weeks and so thrilled about this baby.  I thought I was doing well this week not to be thinking about it too much.  But these tiny little clothes remind me.

I know God's timing and plans are  perfect.  I still miss that baby though.  If it had been a girl, Eliana's little things would be so cute.  She does have some of the sweetest outfits.  Of course, we have boy things to pass down too.  (Those have gotten a bit more wear though.)

So, do I just let go knowing that we may never have another baby?  Or just hold on and hope?  I know, my memories aren't tied to things.  Getting rid of them seems so final though.  I'm not doing the very gracefully, am I? 

One more opportunity to trust.  To let God have control and believe that He knows best.  Ready or not - He is in control. 

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)


  1. I'm sorry, Leslie. I would cry too! I've not been pregnant in 7 years, but I don't have the guts to pass things on yet... still hoping. I think it's hard for all mamas to think about not needing things again.

    Melissa C

  2. healthyhomeschoolMarch 14, 2009 at 8:18 AM

    Leslie, I think you are handling it most gracefully. I am right with you on shedding a tear or two over the baby years going so quickly. Michaela is 10! How did that happen? At least we have the wisdom from God to enjoy every minute of it! Aren't we having fun??

    Hugs to you,


    PS - I enjoyed reading about your Dad (I called my Dad "Daddy" as well) and showing Thomas the link.

  3. Hugs to you Leslie. I'll be praying for you this week.

    Yes, I have a hard time passing things on. As you know, I gave up all the girls things not too long ago. :) Even though we were blessed w/ another little girl, who I'd love to dress in some of the same clothes her big sisters wore, I just remind myself that they are just clothes and my memories are what I will have forever. It doesn't stop a sniffle here and there but it does help keep me more practical so I don't just go off in a hormonal tailspin. LOL :)

  4. that it was this week. ((Leslie)). I actually thought about it early in the week, but I was thinking more about October. Funny how that goes. Just shows you that your subconsious mind sometimes works without you....

    As far as baby things, I always just let go of the stuff. I may keep a couple of special outfits but everything else goes. I had a friend who was surprised by a baby and needed everything, so she received most of Eli's little things and equipment. I didn't really have time to think about it. If it happened now it would be much, much harder to give away. *sigh*

    I'm sorry the halftime show wasn't what you expected, but what an honor! You must be so proud. Hopefully you will be able to get a taping and see everything.

    Take care,



  5. I could not get rid of my girls' clothes for the longest time. I would try to go through them, and cry, and put them away. What enabled me to finally part with some of them was my sister having a baby girl. It was so much fun to pass things I loved to her, and then see my niece wear them - and even dress her in them when I was able to visit!

    Now, with my son, I'm not really *ready* to give up his things, but I do have two friends with little boys who so appreciate the clothing. It's still hard, and I've told everyone that the baby is a BABY until he is 2, despite the fact that he's 18 months old and climbing out of his crib. I don't want to let go of the baby stage either - he's most definitely my last one.

    If you don't want to let go of the baby things yet, there is no harm, truly, in keeping them a while longer yet. As long as you have the storage space, pack them away for a while. You're allowed some sentiment.

    Beth (I came here from the WTM message boards, looking for a description of the workbox system. My blog is

  6. Leslie,

    ((((hugs)))) I can so identify with this post. When we moved here, I went through all of our basement boxes because we don't have a basement here. It was so very hard to give away our baby clothes. Truth be told, I kept the equivalent of 2 large plastic storage bins of baby clothes. And our crib. And our infant carseat. And our baby bathtub. And our babyswing.

    My sweet husband sat with me in the garage while tears poured down my face. He kept saying "We can keep it all, honey. It's okay." In the end, I parted with a few things and kept a whole lot more.

    Will we ever have another little one? Not biologically. But my heart holds onto hope that the Lord will place adoption into our lives.

    Praying for you,

    Kristin (from RR and ramblinamblins)

  7. Thank you sweet friends!

    Lisa - I love that God prompted you. Our baby was due in early Oct - and was born into heaven in March.

    Thank you for your sweet words of encouragment and for understanding.

    Praying for those of you that are also longing for another little one to love.



  8. I'm so glad I found you're blog. I've been reading it for a while now but never commented. I had a miscarriage a week ago today. Our little blessing was due October 20th but was born into heaven on March 9th. It was the worst day of my life. If it weren't for God's love surrounding me I don't think I could have made it through the last week. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you'll keep me in yours.


  9. Crystal,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you - and writing you too.




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