I was reflecting on last year as I mistakenly posted a recent post (that I had started in Dec) in '08 instead of '09. I had to go back to find it and was surprised to find that a year ago I was doing the same thing, almost to the day. I was taking three children - and the same three - to an eye appointment.
It seems like so much of last year was one of fears, changes, and difficulties. So many things happened and I found myself clinging to God - the only thing that wasn't changing in my life. After going through the roughest part of the year, I thought that dealing with just one more thing was just more than I wanted at the time. I find though that the best part of trials, fears and challenges are that they cause me to run to God. To cling to Him and spend time just resting in His arms. One of the benefits of being housebound and tied to pumps for months after Eliana was born is that it gave me a lot of time to rest in Him. (Though I truly got no REST in a physical sense. lol)
Well, now I'm finding that things are stable. There is still work, but none of the staggering difficulties and in a way it is hard on me as I find myself trying to do it all on my own. Why do I do this? Haven't I learned this lesson? My times with God have been too short and disrupted and I need to find a better way of spending time with Him. I want to cling to His faithful presence. I want His goodness and peace to fill my heart. I want to be like Him. It's scary to say that though. I understand in a different way now what it takes to be more conformed to His image and it's hard. It often hurts. It is good though because He is good. Thank you God for being faithful, even when I'm not.
Today went pretty well. Eliana had to have her eyes dialated - which she did not like (and we knew it). When it was her time for the check-up, she did NOT want anything close to her face. She was sitting on my lap and I held both of her arms and tried to hold her face still. She was mad and crying and raising a real fuss! At one point the Dr called in some others to help distract (Joshua had been doing his best). They weren't better than Joshua though. She still fussed. Well, she got a decent look. Her optic nerve looks a little unusual, but not in the same way as Daniel's did. This is unusual, but in an acceptable manner. The end result - she is waiting on glasses and wants to monitor her. We'll go back in 6 months.
Well, unlike last year, (See this post ) I was really prepared for her to get glasses this time. I guess it will wait though and I'm not disappointed. I think it will be a challenge for her to keep them on - though I would love to be wrong.
Both of the boys did great. Isaiah's eyes look great and are 20/20 with his glasses. Joshua is holding and was thrilled that he doesn't have to wear the permanent patch now. (If you look at his pic, you'll notice that his right eye glass looks fuzzy - that is his patch.) He has to wear it for 10 to 30 minutes per day while reading. That is doable, we just need to remember.
As we were leaving one of the nurses commented on Eliana's personality being joyful. I agreed. One of the other nurses begged to differ having seen another side of her. Hmph! She was one that helped when Eliana was fussing. I defended her (why did this make me feel defensive?). I commented that she had endured a lot of poking, prodding and hurtful things and it was now hard for her to be at the doctor's office. (It's true.) The part I didn't mention was that she is also incredibly forgiving. She moves past a hurt and forgives - maybe even forgets? - in a way that is so beautiful to me. She is an incredible example to me of this. I want to be more like her.
Thank you God - for your faithfulness, for your gifts that sometimes come in unexpected ways and for loving me always.