Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Today's appointments

We met with Eliana’s ped this afternoon. She is a true gem! I thank God often for her as she has been wonderful for Eliana – and for me! I know God placed her in our path while we were at the hospital. I’m thankful she has walked this road with us.

Eliana is doing great! :-) She is up to 19.5 pounds now and is 29". She is still low on the growth chart – but doing fine as she continues to grow on the curve.  Dr. L even commented that she may be getting my height! ;-) (She would be the first!)  One of the first things she said to me when we saw her was to comment that I probably wanted to talk about removing the g-tube! Of course, she was right! We talked about it and she knows that I haven’t used it since Eliana had salmonella in late Oct/early Nov. She agreed that it was time to remove it – though cautioned me that the surgeons don’t always want to be quick to remove them. She called and set up an appt for us for next Fri (10 days from now) to meet with the surgeon! Did I mention that she is fantastic?!  I'm not sure if this will be a consult or if he will actually remove the tube. 

She asked me how feeding was going and I confessed that my priority remained liquid foods as I really want her tube out. She asked if I was counting on the calories from the formula and I said yes. She does eat some solids, but not enough to make up the calories. She thanked me for being honest with her. I can’t imagine being anything else.

We talked some about her falling over, though she didn’t seem concerned. Eliana has not done it since yesterday either. A friend mentioned that it might have been due to flying and the changes in altitude. I’m hoping she is right! What relief to think it might be that instead of any of the other things that I wouldn’t let my mind think about.

We talked about her development and other things – all doing fine.  Dr L also commented that while Eliana has low tone (typical with Down syndrome) that overall her tone is pretty good.  These types of comments are always encouraging to me. 

Eliana had to get the last of her synagis shots today. We won’t be back for 3 months! Imagine – 3 months! That seems such a long time. The longest we have gone thus far is monthly. I’m thankful she is doing so very well!

We drove from her appt to mine (follow-up OB). I arrived a little early and we waited. I was a little anxious about how I’d feel and wondered if being there would set my emotions going.

After I arrived, I was sitting in a waiting room across from a pregnant woman and the tv/video that was running was talking about pregnancy issues when I sat down. (It’s like a news show with various topics – not all are pregnancy related.) I sat there wondering if I could handle this and talking to God about it.  I felt fine.  I was able to look at this other woman and feel happy for her.  Knowing she was joyful as she felt her little one kick.  I was thankful that God would allow me to see things from this perspective and not focus on myself.  

I have felt an amazing peace during this loss - more as times passes. At times it doesn’t seem right – as though somehow it lessens the loss. It’s not to say that I haven’t felt pain and hurt – I have. It was especially hard the first couple of days.  I wonder if maybe - just maybe - I'm learning a little more about leaning on God.  I know that I’ve had more than my share of struggling with God over the last year and this time I’m just trying to relax in His arms.  (I like to actually picture myself crawling into His lap and just being held.)  Knowing that He loves me. Trusting that He knows best. I wish I could stay here all the time. I know it’s my choice and I’m not sure why I ever choose to leave. So many lessons to learn. I’m thankful our Teacher is patient and good.

My healing seems to be good and there are no problems. I spent time just talking with my midwife. She is a Christian which is a sweet blessing. She asks good questions and is patient about listening to me talk things through. I didn’t have a lot of questions – but shared a lot of my ponderings. I appreciate her encouragment.

I have always loved my OB practice. I have gotten to know a lot of people there over the years. Given my HG pregnancies, I find myself visiting far more than normal (Weekly from about week 6 on.) This has given me opportunity to build relationships there for which I’m thankful. I saw one of my favorite doctors (he did most of my prenatal care with Eliana when I was soooo sick), who came up and congratulated me and gave me a hug. I hated having to tell him that the baby wasn’t there as I know it made him feel badly. He loved seeing Eliana and immediately asked to hold her. She is having a hard time though with "strangers" and isn’t happy being held for long. I also saw briefly the dr that delivered her who commented that she had heard Eliana was beautiful and agreed. I spent time talking with several of the nurses and another dr who all seemed to enjoy our little cutie! Overall, my time there was good. I’m thankful for the wonderful care I’ve received there for the last 13 years.

Thank you dear friends for your prayers. I’m thankful to have one more day in which to say God is good. He loves me and blessed me through good times and difficult ones. I’m thankful to be resting in His arms.

With a grateful heart,