Today has been a better day. Thank you all for your prayers, notes of encouragment and phone calls. I am so very blessed to have so much support! I am very thankful too!
As I was talking with God today, He reminded me to count my blessings. What a good idea. There are far too many to list here, but I thought I'd share some with ya'll.
1. A God that loves me and is faithful to me. He carries me through trials. He is true, good and pure.
2. A delightful family - both immediate and extended.
3. Friends - in real life, across the miles and many that I've only met via computer - that have loved, encouraged and supported me through so much.
4. Health. I'm so very thankful that Eliana hasn't gotten sick!!! Even when our family went through 2 bouts of illness this year she remained healthy. I hope this trend will continue!
5. A clean house. I don't know about you, but it doesn't happen often enough over here. Seems like if I can get one room clean, there is a big mess being made in another one - or several other ones. This week some friends paid for a cleaning service to clean our home - top to bottom. It was wonderful. The gals did a super job! It was a very thoughtful and much appreciated gift!
6. Meals - We continue to receive meals from friends. What a blessing to have this provided for us. So much of my time is spent trying to feed and care for Eliana and it's nice not to have to deal with food planning and prep.
7. Laughter - Eliana sweet laugh is a treat. Just yesterday a friend called after reading my last blog entry to encourage me. She prayed with me and one of the things she prayed was that Eliana would laugh again. Last night when my family was gone, Eliana and I went for a walk. I carried her in my arms and talked with her. At one point she started to laugh. What a precious sound to my ears - and what a sweet answer to prayer!
8. Prayers - We have had so many prayers lifted for us and so many answered. How could I be anything but thankful! Tonight Eliana pulled out her tube ... again. Actually this one has been in since Monday which is pretty long for her! When it was time to put the tube back in, it was midnight. My 14yo was up, the other children asleep and my dh still at work. As I was getting ready a bottle, I heard Eliana scream. Not a scream I've heard before and it scared me.
We arent sure what upset her, but she was upset! I tried to calm her and had a hard time doing so. Anyway, I tried to get her settled and she really struggled getting settled down.
She still wasn't real settled and was pretty unhappy, but I thought I could get it in quickly and just have it over and done with. Maybe a bad idea. As I was putting in the tube, she really started crying, then gagging. Then making choking sounds and I didn't have it all the way in. I begin to wonder if I've put it in the wrong way (hasn't happened before) so I yank the tube out.
Eliana then seems to be choking still. She was making odd noises like there was fluid or something choking her. Several times I thought she was going to throw up, but she didn't. I tried to suction her - nothing. The sounds she was making just scared me. Sometimes it is just frightening to be a parent - especially when you wonder if you know what you are doing. She just kept choking, seeming like it was difficult to swallow and it was just scary!
She finally fell asleep and I just held her for awhile. After Roger got home, I tried again. (Placement #22 - yes, I'm still counting!) This time with success! She cried, and even gagged, but it went! Oh, here's a funny. Once I had gotten her tube in, checked placement, taped it down to her face and just thoroughly upset her - Christopher looked at me and said "Happy Mother's Day".
Happy Mother's Day indeed. I'm one very blessed and very thankful mama!!!
Love to you all,
It is why I never want to go inside
1 day ago