That is how I'm feeling today. Weary and sad. It is nothing big or terribly wrong - I think it all just hit me today. I'm just ready for some of the hard things to take a break for awhile. Maybe more realistically, I just need more of His strength and less of my own effort.
We had planned on going to our first field trip today - a park outing at a really great local park with our friends. During the night, Isaiah threw up. He felt better by the morning, though I'm not comfortable taking the kids out unless they have been well for at least 24 hours. Christopher had agreed to stay with him while the rest of us went to the park. This made Isaiah very sad. Eliana at this time is cranky and just not herself. Can you see where this is going? Yes, she got sick too. Not a lot - and just one time. Thank you God! She did remain cranky for a good part of the day though.
Well, that sealed it for all of us. We stayed home. We all really wanted to go, but will just have to look forward to the next outing.
I got an extra hour of sleep last night, but was still feeling tired. I'm finding it hard to get in good sleep with the times that Joshua needs to be checked. I was hoping to take a nap. Well, that wasn't to be either. When I checked Joshua at 3pm, he was 56 and not feeling it. (Yesterday at this time, he was a 44 and didn't feel it! That is very low - his lowest yet!) I had made an adjustment in his insulin at lunch, but think I'll adjust more tomorrow. It's better for him to run high than this low. (Yes, I did email his dr and have not heard back from her.)
This was a persistant low too. We treated it and tested. Still low. Treated and tested again. Better this time, but still not so high. Gave strong protein/carb snack. I don't even know how to explain how exhausting this disease can be. It just NEVER gives you a break. NEVER. I hate that he will have to deal with this the rest of his life.
In the midst of life, I was just feeling sad. Just weary and sad. (Please don't worry Mom, I'm going to be alright!) Like I said, it was nothing huge today, just feeling like some of it was catching up with me. I would love prayers to find peace, balance and perspective - to see God's path clearly - to see God clearly. I ran a brief errand tonight and it was a good time to listen to praise music and just cry a few tears. (I was stuck in traffic for about 15 minutes in a construction area.)
I know that God is still in control. I know that He loves me/us. I know that He is good even when life stinks and not just when life is good and rosy. I know that He has spent a lot of time the last 3 years carrying me. I'm thankful for Him.
I know He has promised to take my burden. The last 3 years have just dumped medical issues on our family - on top of way tooo many sickness this summer and also right after Eliana was born!
I've written and rewritten some of the next part. Here are some of the things we are dealing with or have dealt with in the past.
Me - osteo arthritis - diagnosed just before pregnant with Eliana. Dr told me it was a result of the severe Hyperemesis Gravidarum I had experienced in my pregnancies. (Extreme vomitting, hospitalizations, IVs, drugs, etc.) Some pain, loss of motion and my hands/joints are physically changing. :-( None of it is too bad now most of the time. If anyone has suggestions on how to treat this, I would love to hear them. My dr told me that there was nothing I could do.
Eliana - Down syndrome, feeding issues (NG tube and G tube), heart defect (repaired!), being watched for vision issues, has 5 therapies per week.
Other children (in case they don't want it all spelled out):
*Sensory Processing disorder. Therapy once per week. Feeding issues which have improved along with other things.
*Vision issues - all of my children are being followed. Five wear glasses. Eliana does not. Neither Roger or I wear glasses.
*Colorblind - 3 of my boys.
*Learning disability of some sort. In process of testing and hope to have answers soon.
*Juvenile diabetes. Kidney problems - possible surgery, waiting for further testing. Urology problems - probably surgery, waiting for specialist.
After typing this, I realize that I may sound like I'm complaining. I don't mean to be. Maybe I should just delete.
I'm so very thankful that we live where we do and have access to wonderful medical care. I never knew we would have need of such a variety of specialists. I'm truly thankful. I'm thankful for each of these precious children! God has blessed us richly and I am so thankful to be a Mom to each one of them. My life is richer because of each one of them and even though the trials have been hard, I've learned a lot. God has been good to us.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
Blessings
Leslie
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Lifting you & your family up this morning Leslie - may you feel His presence today!!
ReplyDeleteWe did miss you yesterday - looking forward to seeing you on the next field trip.
You're not complaining, so don't delete it. You are simply writing our your frustrations and confusion to friends who understand and want to be there for you.
ReplyDeleteI maintain that God has something very important for your family, he is building you all up with strength. It's a little scary and exciting.
God Bless you all! Know that we are praying.
By the way: Although you may not feel strong, you may feel weary and weak, others ARE feeling your strength. You pass on incredible lessons every single day.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, I truly can't imagine what you are going through. I am praying, it is not just something I say, I AM praying! Your family has been on my mind a lot lately after keeping up with your blog. I know God is going to do mighty things with your family but I know it has to be SO hard right now, I can see how you could get weary for sure-I get weary and I don't have near that on my plate-Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAngela
Leslie-
ReplyDeleteI hear ya-these last few years have been nothing but a roller coaster ride that we seem to not be able to get off. My summer too, has been almost more than I can bear. Actually, just last Sat. thru tears and anger-I pleaded with the Lord and told him I can bear no more. It was then that things made a real change around and moved into a Holy Spirit peace. Odd, but true. I am wondering if sometimes He just needs to hear us mommas (who want and try to make everything better) admit we cannot do it. That he needs to be in the driver's seat? I dunno-but it was at that point that I knew I could get up in the morning, and not dread the thought of another day.
I will ask my hubby if he can think of any resources or ideas to help with keeping the sugar levels more level-he's worked with diabetics for 20 years, there has to be something that can help. And for your issues-there is always something that can improve your life. I dunno the specifics of what you have, but bet you may find some relief by going to an allergist/homeopathic doctor-sounds like your body is on overload. I have had to find alternative ways to improve my health-as I am dealing with a host of problems and most are due to stress eating away on my innards for several years-it has taken me years to try to repair the damage I allowed to happen. You are so not alone sistah! Lifting you up in prayers and I will get back to you on any ideas my ole man has for ya.
Blessings-
Sheri
http://www.hsingonawingandaprayer.blogspot.com
http://www.ideas4theworkbox.blogspot.com
I have been following your story for quite a while now. I "met" you on the FIAR boards. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing how you're feeling. I am praying for you and your lovely family!
ReplyDeleteI have had minor issues with arthritis in my hands. The one thing which has really helped me is taking cod liver oil. I know it sounds vile, but it really does help. The Carlson brand has a lemon flavor that actually tastes okay. They also have capsules, but sometimes they have an aftertaste or fishy burp. I know if I forget to take my oil, my hands start to bother me. If I remember, I have much less trouble. Worth a try maybe?
Carol Ewing
Oh ((((Leslie)))) Sweet friend, you aren't complaining..you're processing. Sometimes it just all feels too much. I could have written most of your post myself. I truly do understand. We need to get together. We'll be at the hospital every week this month. Email me and perhaps we can coordinate one of our visits and do lunch?
ReplyDeleteKristin
Take B6 - for your hands/wrists. Keep depending on Him - He will see all of you through, but you already know that! Keep letting it out - don't worry if you feel like you're complaining - just keep talking it all out. We are truly blessed to live in this medtech area - all of us! Know that others care and pray for you : ) love and hugs to you my friend, aj
ReplyDelete(((Leslie)))
ReplyDeleteThank you for spelling it all out for us in black and white. That's not necessarily complaining ~ just informing. We don't have all of the same issues you are dealing with daily, but I know so well that feeling of grief and weariness. I'm sorry for all the unwanted stuff that has become part of your daily routine. I'm sorry it is so constant. I am praying that the Lord will come along side you and give you strength and peace and just carry you at those times you are so weary you can't go on. Praying that He comforts you, and gives you insight into how to manage all of the issues He has chosen to allow in your family.
I also have osteo arthritis (in my knees) and I have found MSM cream to help tremendously with the pain and the achy feeling my knees often have. I put some on my knees liberally each night. It took a few days to "build up" enough for me to notice a difference, but now I can really tell if I skip a few days. Taking glucosamine pills (supplements) has also helped. Those two things, plus walking (which I have gotten out of the habit of) have helped a LOT!
Here's a link to the MSM cream, but you can usually find it in most health food stores:
http://www.naturallygentle.com/
Praying for you,
Pam in SE MI