It's 10:45pm

Can it really still be the same day?  Even tonight my 7yo commented that he hadn't seen Eliana for 2 days.  I told him that he had seen her last night and reminded him of how we had prayed over her.  He said it felt like a lot longer.  Boy, did I agree!

Tonight is hard.  My Mom and I drove back over to the hospital to visit Eliana tonight.  When we got there we found out that the other baby in the room was having a "procedure" and we couldn't go in.  I was so sad to hear that.  The nurse told us that it would be at least an hour.  It was already about 8:30 or 8:45 at this time. 

I asked how she was doing and the nurse said she was doing great!  She thinks that she'll be moved to the floor tomorrow!  For this reason, she encouraged me to go home and sleep.  I want to sleep, but I also want to be with my baby!  I've never had to leave a baby before.  At least when she was in the NICU I was in the same building and could go in ANY time I wanted to.  The PICU is very different - maybe too that it's a different hospital.  I really don't know.

The nurse told us she would let us go in to see Eliana for "1 minute" if we wanted.  I of course said yes!  She had Mom and I put on masks and then we went to see our little girl.  She was asleep and looked well - well, as good as it gets following major surgery and with many tubes and wires still attached!

I stroked her skin & hair and talked with her.  I wanted to kiss her, but the mask made it difficult to do this.  Our visit was very short - much too short for me.

I miss my little girl!  I want to hold her and love on her so very much.  My 7yo today told me that he thought he probably missed her more than I did as it had been longer since he's seen her.  Sweet boy - sweet thoughts - but I don't agree with this statement.

So many thoughts swirling through my head.  Exactly 4 months ago we welcomed this little girl into the world.  She was in ICU then too.  My emotions were a complete wreck!  I wish I had started this blog then as the struggle was overwhelming to me then and it has helped greatly to write and share my heart.  I was so overcome with grief over the struggles and difficulties that we were facing then and going to face in the future.   How I have grown to appreciate so much about our little girl that I love so very much.  She is a precious gift!

Roger saw the attending anesthesiologist (Dr. Schulman) again this afternoon by chance.  When he recognized Roger he broke into a big smile and said "She did great!".  He and the other dr were a sweet gift this morning.  I have a very vivid image of the two of them taking my little girl.  Dr. Schulman thanked me for letting him have my little girl when I placed her in his arms.  He conveyed that it was a privilege for him to be taking my little girl!  He seemed to really appreciate how precious she is to us!  The two doctors then turned to walk to the OR.  Dr Schulman had Eliana cradled in his arms - just the way that I hold her.  I watched them walk down the hall talking to each other in an easy comfortable way.  All the while, I could see my precious Eliana's head and her hair bobbing with each step.  I remember watching them walk towards a window as the day was just beginning and then turn the corner toward the OR.  I remember wanting this image to be saved in my memory.  It was a calm, sweet departure.

I ran into the surgeon and nurse practioner outside of Eliana's room this afternoon.  I asked how she was doing, though they obviously had not yet been in her room as I was just leaving it.  They both thought she was doing great!  I also saw the other anesthesiologist in the hall and we exchanged smiles.

I found out that Eliana was on the heart-lung bypass today from 8:50 until  10:15.

We continue to be blessed by friends - one who arrived shortly after we did today and spent most of the day there with us.  Her dh took off from work so that she could be with us!  This is a gal that I don't know very well - yet.  Her children have had multiple surgeries and she really understands the stress of it all and was willing to be there for us through it all.   She frequently stopped to pray over specific things and to offer praises too.  She was watching Eliana as I was talking with her this afternoon and said "Did you see that?  She tried to smile at you!".  I didn't see it and am so glad she did. 

I'm so thankful for the friends that were able to be with us physically today bringing food, comfort, hugs, tears, praises and laughter too!  It made the day much easier having support right there.  I'm thankful for my parents for being with my other children and having a fun day with them.  I'm thankful for the many, many, many who have prayed for us so faithfully.  It continues to warm my heart to know that so many care about our family.  How amazing is that?! 

I could go on and on with my thank yous.  I don't think I'll ever be able to adequately express them.  Just saying thank you seems too little.   I hope all of the people that have reached out to us - family, friends and people we don't even know - know how very much it means to us!!!  Each gesture, email or prayer.   I have often not been able to respond though I thank God for people often in my prayers.  The body of Christ has been fully at work and we have been so very blessed to see it in action. 

Please continue to pray for my little girl.  Pray for my mama's heart that misses my baby.  Pray for health for our family.  We are hoping the children will be able to visit her soon.

If you have emailed me, I've not been able to check for the last 2 days (since my laptop stopped), but will check as I am able to.  Hopefully tomorrow.

Thank you precious friends for standing with us!  I'm going to sleep now for hopefully a full night's sleep.  It has been a very long time since I've had that and hopefully I'll be able to sleep well.  Will post more tomorrow as I can.

With love,
Leslie

ETA:  I've spent far too long typing.  Wanting to thank people and not wanting to leave others out.  I am so thankful for each of you!

I just called and spoke with Eliana's nurse.  She is doing very well.  When she wakes, she is fussy and they continue to give her pain meds.  She told me that the chest tube is probably pretty uncomfortable.  Hopefully she will be able to have removed tomorrow.

Her O2 levels are great - 99.  Heart rate and other vitals are good.  I asked if anyone had been able to hold her and she said no due to her chest tube.  I'm hoping and praying that if she needs held that the sweet doctor I met earlier will be there to hold her.

Really going to sleep now.