Thur 4/19 - We are going home!!!

It's 3 days post-op and we are going home!  It's hard to believe how quickly and well she is recovering!  Truly a miracle.  I had been told 2 weeks and was really prepared for 1 week based on discussions with other people who had been through this.  Never did I expect to be home in 3 days.  Just three days ago at this time (12:30pm) I was running into the NICU to see my precious daughter for the first time after surgery.  Oh, how I had missed her during those hours of surgery.  Oh, how hard it was to let go of my little girl - to know what was happening to her and not to let me mind dwell on it too much. 

I don't remember if I shared my fears - that she wouldn't make it.  That something bad would happen to her.  That any of the time I had "wasted" would be time I would really regret if I wouldn't get time back with her.  I was prepared for the day prior to surgery - and especially the night - to be a time of pure anguish.  I was not prepared for God's peace to cover me.  I did still cry, but not the anguish and desparation that I expected.  God is good to have covered me in peace.  I am so very thankful for that.  It didn't take away the fears, but did give me a peace in the midst of the hardest thing I've ever done.

We've seen LOTS of people this morning.  Many doctors, nurses, several therapists and more.  All think Eliana is doing great.  So many comment on how cute she is - how sweet her smile is - and what a precious little baby we have.

I feel like I've been in "crisis" mode for all of the last 4 months.  It's been a hard place to live for what has seemed a very long time.  I've missed just being able to treat her like a baby.  Just to enjoy her without worrying about how or when I was doing specific things or counting hours, minutes or volumes.  I have a notebook journaling every thing that has gone into Eliana - everything!  It's been a lot to keep up with and a means of keeping me "on my toes" and not relaxed.

Yesterday I talked with my pediatrician and she mentioned that now I needed to get started on the other things - therapies and such - that have taken a back seat while we dealt with cardiac issues.  I told her that I wasn't quite ready for that.  I just want some time to have a baby.  I just want her to be a baby.  Not a baby in heart failure. 

I shared this with one of the nurse practitioner and she encouraged me to do that.  Just let her be a baby for a short time - and then to get started.  Of course, I've since seen 2 therapists who encourage much more immediate action.  I'm sure that I'd feel guilty not doing anything too.

I'm not really sure what to do now.  What is my next step?  I know that the next couple of months that I'll still have to keep a close eye on Eliana and her care.  Hopefully more and more things will normalize - or get to a normal for us.   I know that recovery will still be a challenge, but hopefully without all of the worry.  Feeding is our next big hurdle. 

I am so thankful for your prayers and encouragment.  I would ask you to continue to pray as you feel led - while Eliana is in recovery and beyond.  I'm a little nervous and feeling like I'm stepping out into the unknown.  Nobody ever said parenting was easy, but the rewards are without measure!

We do have more photos.  I'll see if some are ready to post before we leave the hospital.  Eliana is finishing up her tube feeding and then we are going home!!!  Thank you for walking this with us, for caring about us, for praying for us and for wanting to be a part of our lives. 

With love,

Leslie