We are home - and have a busy week ahead!

We arrived home late last night -  Eliana and I.  We were greeted at the airport by excited children with lots of hugs and kissed.  *grin*  We arrived home to a welcome home banner and a party with lemonade, cookies and candy set up.  It was sweet.

Eliana was a great traveller - and that wasn't surprising at all.  She handled the take-offs and landings well.  She slept some on both flights and was a delight when she was awake.  She could not have been any better!  I'm not surprised though as she is really an easy-going baby.  

We visited with some dear friends that I work with on the FIAR website.  I've known some for 10+ years and some for fewer years.  It was a fun time - relaxing and sweet for the most part.  I think Eliana was a bit overwhelmed at times though with being around so many people that she didn't know - though they all "know" her through many prayers over her short life.  I enjoyed having my friends meet her - I wish you all could.  She is such a delight and I love sharing her with others.  I'm glad I was able to go.   

Our week is full and here is some of what is going on.

Today (Mon) we were able to stay home!  I really enjoy those days, especially after having been gone.  I needed a nap and was able to take one too.  (I didn't get much sleep this week-end as I was up late chatting with friends.) 

Our speech therapist came today.  She is so encouraging!  She notices every little thing Eliana does and just praises her.  She is making progress and it's exciting to see her making connections and picking things up.  I think she is a smart little girl - though I'll admit too that I've very biased.  *grin*  She was pointing today at pictures of some of her favorite things (her therapist made up the pics).  She seemed really drawn to the music picture and we did a lot with music today.  I'm encouraged about her progress and appreciative for "things to do" to help Eliana grow and learn.

Tues - Eliana has an appt with her ped tomorrow.  I'm expecting to discuss a time for getting her g-tube removed!  I'm hoping we'll be able to set this up tomorrow.  She is doing well and I am looking forward to having that gone!  It interferes with things (like learning to go down the stairs) and has started to pop open again (which is just yuck!).  It also leaks all the time - not a lot, but again enough to be yuck and to stain her clothes.  I'm thankful we had this option and also ready to just move on!  Hopefully I'll be sharing a big praise on this tomorrow!

Also, I'm not sure why, but Eliana fell over (while sitting) a number of times today (about 4?).  She was just sitting and fell backwards.  This happened while her therapist was here and she commented too that it was very unlike Eliana to do this.  I'm hoping that it was just ... well, I don't know.  Something that will pass, have no effects and not return again.

I have also have an appt to see my midwife.  This is just a follow up to make sure my body has done what it needs to have done.  I'm thinking this will be hard.  It will be hard to just be there - seeing people, reminders, etc.  I would love prayers for this time.

Wed - Therapy day.  Daniel and Eliana will both be doing feeding/sensory therapy in the morning.  Daniel loves this and Eliana seems fine with it too.  It's small steps in terms of progress here though.  I'm not sure I'm doing enough in this area.  I know with  Eliana I've been so focused on liquid/weight gain for the removal of the tube that I let that take precedence over solids.  She is eating more (quantity) and is interested in trying new things.  (Wish I could say that about Daniel - the trying new things.)  Daniel seems to be improving on the sensory front - and the therapist has said that needs to happen before we will see much happen on the food front.  Hard to understand - but we are working on it!

Eliana also has physical therapy.  This is her hardest therapy though she isn't crying as much.  I wonder at times if this is just too much to do in one day.  She does best when she can get a nap in between the two therapies.  We are working on standing/walking skills and she has a cute new little walker to help with this.  I need to get a picture of it!

Thur - Field trip.  This is with our FIAR homeschooling group.  I love this group!  The older kids will be visiting a nuclear power plant for a hands-on discussion about the science of nuclear power.  The younger children will be visiting a state park for a ranger led program on nature topics.  I think it will be a fun time for all.  We'll picnic and play afterwards and just enjoy being with our friends.

Fri - We are planning to visit our sweet friends who moved last summer for Easter week-end.  We are looking forward to this time together.

Whew!  That's a lot in one week.  I'll update as I can on the things I've mentioned above. 

For those that have asked about how we are doing, I want to thank you for your prayers and the sweet notes/cards you have sent.  I'm truly thankful.  This loss of our baby has been hard, but we are daily leaning on God and trusting that He knows what is best for us.  He is good all the time.

With love,

Leslie

Happy 15th Birthday!

I'm going to postdate this so that it shows up on Christopher's birthday even though it is actually the day after.  Happy Birthday Christopher!!!  Has it been 15 years?  That sounds so old when I think of children - and of course you have become a young man right before my eyes.  What a fine young man you are too.  I couldn't have asked for more in a son.  What a blessing you have been from the moment we knew of you - to the moment we first saw you - to the moment that is now and all of the many moments in between.  I thank God every day for you!

Before you arrived I never knew what an amazing gift children were.  I never knew that being a Mom would be the most amazing journey that I would ever take.  I never knew that my emotions could be taken in so many directions or that I could feel so incredibly blessed with just a hug from my child.

Christopher, I love so many things about you - but mostly I just love you!  I love the passion you have for a variety of things that interest you and the motivation to learn more.  I enjoy learning things with you and watching you mature.  I love seeing you play with your siblings and the delight they take in being with you.  I love being with you - you are fun, interesting, dependable and helpful.

I pray for you that you would grow in wisdom and knowledge of our Lord - but mostly that your love for Him would grow abundantly.  I pray that you would always know how deeply you are loved and that you have been created for a special  purpose.  I pray that you would walk the path God has for you with courage, strength and dependence on Him.  I pray for you daily these and many more things.

I love you Christopher!

My time to write is short as our day is full.  I feel like I  could write so much more about our oldest son - the one who made me a Mom!  It will have to wait for another day.

Eliana and I are leaving today (Thur) for a week-end away with some dear friends that we've known for years.  These are friends I've worked with in the Five in a Row (homeschooling) community.  I'm a little anxious about travelling, though am expecting Eliana to be a super traveller.  We would love your prayers for our travels and our entire family while we are apart. 

Today we are also planning a small memorial for our little one in heaven.  We are planting a rose bush near some that we've planted in the past.  We are also planting a tree given to us by friends.  I think both of these will be a sweet remembrance.  I'll write more as I can later.

Thank you for your prayers and notes.  I'm sorry I haven't been able to write back to each of you - but know that I appreciate your thoughtulness and prayers so very much and will write as soon as I'm able. 

With love,

Leslie

Random thoughts and happenings here

As time goes on, I know healing will occur.  I'm thankful that time does help - to heal and also to give a different perspective on things.  Sometimes when I think back to difficult times, it all seems sort of hazy.  Even the pain is hazy - which is good.

My sweet children are keeping me busy - and distracted - which is a good thing most of the time.  (One of them is really working on my patience though!)  I'm thankful for the distraction of their laughter and silliness.  It really is a sweet gift.

We are planning some sort of small memorial for our baby by planting a rose bush in memory of him/her.  We did this in the past and I liked it.  Though we aren't always so good at keeping plants well tended. 

A couple of people have mentioned naming our little one.  I've thought of it and pondered it.  Its something I think I'd like to do, though at this point we haven't decided.  It seems a sweet remembrance.

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Eliana signed her first word yesterday!  This occurred during her speech therapy.  Her therapist is wonderful - kind, active and involved.  I had told her that Eliana didn't seem all that interested in the couple of signs we had been doing.  Guess she is taking in more than I realize - isn't that always the case?!  Want to know the sign?  Ball.  She likes to roll the ball back and forth with someone - or toss it off for us to go  get.  LOL  We were all very excited to see her little hands coming together to say this word!

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Tomorrow we celebrate Christopher's birthday - 15!  Can he really be that old?  Can I?  LOL  We haven't planned much yet as we can't get much out of him in terms of what he would like to do.  Hopefully we'll have some inspiration or in any case just fun celebrating with this special young man.  This wonderful son - the one that made me a mom!

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This week-end, Eliana and I have plans to go away to visit friends.  It will be my first week-end away since Eliana was born.  My last one was a sweet trip to Chicago with Rebecca, my mom, sister and niece.  Such a lot has happened since then.  I'm not sure I'm really feeling up to going.  I don't really "feel" like doing much of anything but just hanging close to home, kwim?  These are sweet friends though and I think it would be a fun time.  The getting there - flying - will be a little bit challenging, though I'm hoping Eliana will be a good traveller.

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We've been working on school the last couple of days.  It adds some structure, fun and distraction to our days.  Daniel loves doing a book and activity (Before Five in a Row).  This week we are rowing Snowy Day (I know - no snow here!).  We have learned about stop lights - played games, colored, sang songs and more.  Today he had fun making a paper snowman.  He asked if the big ball was the head.  LOL  You can tell the poor boy hasn't had experience with making one!

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I've started a new study this week.  If you need some prompting on one, check out this blog.  Go to the entry on March 8 to read before starting it.

http://www.rachelolsen.blogspot.com/ 

I need to add more photos.  I haven't been taking many lately.  Hopefully soon.

Thank you for your prayers and sweet notes.  I'm grateful for each of them.  I am blessed in many ways.  I'm so thankful to know God as I can't imagine walking through life without Him. 

Love,

Leslie

Grief - what do you do with it?

I know we all handle it differently - and I find this true for myself even throughout the day.  I've pondered whether it is best to just distract myself by staying busy and try to move on OR if I really need to sit, be still and just work through it.  For me, it's probably some of both.  I've been trying to keep myself busy - and at times it helps.  At times though, I find that the sadness will all come crashing in.  It could be something I see, a thought or even for now, pain from my own body which serve as reminders of our loss.

I wonder too for my family how best to handle my grief.  I do think it's good for them to see the pain.  Yet, I sometimes wonder how much to share.  It's easier with my daughter as she needs to talk and is deeply grieved herself.  With the guys in my family it's a little harder to know.  Roger and I have talked.  I've also been doing a lot of praying.

Yesterday my oldest daughter and I went to a consignment sale.  I didn't really want to go.  This sale is a real blessing to our family though and it's where we buy a lot clothes for our children!  I didn't feel like I could pass it up.  I had earned the privilege of shopping early (thanks to the help of a dear friend and my family - thank you Rebecca! - who completed the work for which I had signed up).  

I decided we should go - and if I couldn't handle it, we'd just come home.  So Rebecca and I went.  At times it was fine, a distraction, especially when looking through all of the cute little things for Eliana.  Other times, it was harder.  One time we overheard someone talking about her pregnancy.  Rebecca just reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze.  She is so very tender-hearted and is taking this loss hard too.  It was especially hard for me seeing other women pregnant.

As we grieve, there come the questions.  Questions my children ask and those in my own mind - though I find that I have fewer of them now.  Perhaps I have learned a few things from this past year?  When we came home from the doctors office, we gathered our children to tell them the news.  Eliana had fallen asleep, so we had taken her straight up to our room to sleep.  When we shared the news of our baby's death, our youngest son looked horrified and managed to say "Eliana?"  Oh no, we quickly assured him.  She is fine and asleep upstairs.  I thank God that our sweet Eliana is alive and well!  Oh, am I so very thankful that this was not a trial we had to face!  We are indeed very, very blessed!

Later that day we heard, "Thank you God for the baby that is in Mommy's tummy that has gone with you to heaven."  (3yo)

Sometimes I just cry - usually when I'm alone - and tell God that I really wanted this baby.  He knows that.  I remind myself that even this small amount of time with this baby was a gift.  We have been blessed with this little one, even though it was for a much shorter time than any of us would have liked.  This baby is a gift!

We have been blessed by many people praying for us.  I've had so many of my friends on the FIAR boards post sweet notes and prayers, friends sending emails, cards and making calls.  We've had several friends bring meals or homemade bread.  There are always friends during times of struggle that surprise me - in a good way.  Often it is someone that I may not know too well who really reaches out to support, encourage and bless our family.  It is a reminder to me that I have been given so very much - and that I need to continue looking for ways to give to others. 

I am reminded often of others who are struggling with grief that seems overwhelming to me.  I am thankful that God has not called me to more than He has.  I am thankful that He walks with me. 

I read of a question that someone was asked during a time of grief.  What have you learned about God during this time?  Its a good question.  One that I have been asked too.

I have learned a lot about God.  I thought I'd share a few of them.

*God is good - no matter my circumstances.  No matter what happens.  No matter the outcome.

*God is faithful.  He is with me - to carry me, hold me and love on me even when I feel all alone.

*God is love.  He shows His love to me in many different ways - in music, through His word, a whisper to my spirit, through the loving words or gestures of another and many other ways.

*God is enough.  When I want or think I need more, I need to remember that He is enough.  HE is the only one I need to please.  He is the only one who can meet my needs. 

*God is worthy of praise.  Not because of what He is has done, but just because of who He is.

Dear Father,

Thank you for the gift of this little baby.  Thank you for the sweet memories of this time that are stored up in my heart.  This baby was loved from the start.  This little one was prayed for and welcomed with delight.  Father, I miss this baby.  I so wanted to love and hold and raise this little one, but I am thankful that he/she is safe with you.  I am thankful for the promise that one day we will all be with you in heaven. 

With love and tears,

Leslie

Difficult days, decisions

Thank you friends for your prayers.  I appreciate them and your sweet notes (here, in email and on the FIAR boards) so very much.  I'm thankful for each of you!

I fluctuate between having moments of being alright - able to laugh (children help with that a LOT) and moments of such sadness.  I just wish this were a bad dream - that I could wake up and have everything be as it were a couple of days ago.  I wanted this little one to hold here.  My arms already ache for this precious baby that I won't know on this side of heaven.

I'd already pulled out my maternity clothes.  I'd started thinking of names.  I was eagerly anticipating a rounded belly and the sweet kicks of a baby inside.  I love being pregnant - in spite of the difficulty I've had with it.  It is an amazing gift.  I wonder if I'll ever experience this again.  I know at some point, I won't.  This will be hard for me.  I love being a mom! 

***Don't read this paragraph if you are squeamish about too much information.  Yesterday, we were presented with several options on how to handle things.  Choices that no woman ever wants to have to face.  I was hoping not to have to have any intervention (I know that is not a choice for everyone!).  Well, that prayer has been answered.  It seems a bittersweet way to have a prayer answered.  Our baby passed last night and hopefully my body will take care of everything on it's own.  So far, physically, it has not been difficult.  Though emotionally it will take much longer.

One of my sons last night asked me why God didn't answer/hear his prayers for our baby.  He has prayed so faithfully for our baby every day.  He was also soooo very excited when he heard our announcement.  It has hit him very hard.  We talked for awhile.  I told him that God did hear and that His answer was just not the one that we wanted.  That is a hard thing to understand - at any age.  This sweet boy of mine has such a tender heart!  He still remembers (and sometimes talks about) the loss of our last baby.  (He was just 3 at the time.)  He has been told by others not to talk about it - it makes people uncomfortable.  I appreciate his heart though.  In fact, I remember him talking to me one day about this baby being in heaven.  It happened to be the day that the baby had been due - and nobody remembered or knew except me.  It was a sweet comfort to me at the time.   

I think one of the hard things about loss and grief is that you can feel so alone in the midst of it.  Even with loving family and friends, it's still pain that you have deal with.  It can seem like the world has moved on without you.  So many things can trigger thoughts, memories and tears.  Loss and grief are not easy topics for people.  Its hard to deal with pain.  I know that the pain I'm feeling is not nearly to the degree that many others have faced.  But it still hurts.

This past year - two - have been hard.  I sometimes wonder what I'm supposed to be learning.  Or if I'm failing to learn something and need repeat lessons on loss.  I'm not sure.  I know with certainty that I am loved.  I know that I need only the approval of One.  I know He is holding me and I may never climb out of His lap.  I know that as I cry, He is with me.  He understands my hurt, my fears and my longings. 

As we were driving home yesterday from the doctors, this song was on the radio. 

Held by Natalie Grant

God has used music often to minister to me over the last year.  I am thankful that He is not bound by any conventional means to touch my heart and show me that He loves me.

He loves me.  He loves you too.  Very deeply - without reserve.  He rejoices over you with singing.  (I love that!!!  Zeph 3:17)  Bask in His love today.  Pray for those who mourn.  Love deeply. 

With love and through many tears,

Leslie

Our sweet precious baby

Our sweet baby ... is being held by Jesus. Oh, how it hurts to write that. Oh, how my heart aches. This just isn’t the way that I wanted the story to go. I so wanted to carry, hold and raise this little one.

Our little one’s body is still with me, but his/her spirit has gone to heaven. We may be facing difficult decisions on how to handle this.

Please pray for us. We are devastated. Two of my children are taking it very hard.

In the midst of this pain, I know that God is with us. I know that He is good. I know that He loves me. I know that He will hold me as long as I need.  I know too that my heart is broken.  I feel crushed and so very sad.

Thank you for praying with us.

This wasn't how I had planned it ...

I had hoped for a cute post and fun announcement and even had thought of neat ways to share our news.  I have a ticker saved where you can see the baby's development.  Instead, we are faced with the possibility of something different.

We are expecting our 7th blessing - and thrilled about the addition to our family!  I had hoped that we might be blessed again and am delighted with this sweet gift.

We have kept our news close however as I knew that it would be hard for others to hear.  I know all of the reasons why we shouldn't be having a baby ... I get too sick (HG in pregnancy is awful!), we have too many children (we obviously don't think so), Eliana is more than a handful (and an abundance of joy), I'm too old, etc...  I don't want to keep listing them, but I've heard it all and honestly just didn't want to hear it.  I wanted to just enjoy our news and delight in it.  I also reminded myself that God gave us this gift!  God only gives good gifts.

I was looking forward to sharing though and this is the longest we have kept our secret.  Usually the announcement is forced out with my sickness by week 6, but this time meds have kept my sickness under control.  That has been a blessing, but it also caused me much fear.  Our children know and have kept the news - and also prayed daily for this baby.

I've worried from the start about this little one.  It has been an exercise daily to hand my fears over to God and some days I do better than others.  The last 2 days have been more than a challenge.  I started spotting yesterday.  I have never done this in any of my full-term pregnancies.  Only with the little one we lost.

We have seen the baby's heartbeat - good and strong just a week ago.  I am currently between 9 and 10 weeks.

I've been praying and seeking answers.  Right now I'm hearing two things from God

1.  I'm here.

2.  Rest in me.

Oh, I want to hear more.  I want to hear that our baby is fine.  I want to hear that I'll this sweet little one this side of heaven.  I want everything to be alright.  I know that no matter what happens, that God is good.  I know that this little one is His.  I know all that and yet I long to carry this baby to term and welcome him/her into our family. 

I'm going in to see my midwife this afternoon.

Please pray for our family.  This is a struggle for me - and for them too.  I will share later the beautiful letter my daughter wrote to me last night.  Encouraging me from God's word.  I'm so very blessed in so many ways.

I have much to be thankful for.

With tears,

Leslie

Our "Family Event"

For the last six years our homeschool group has put together a wonderful day that we call our "Family Event".  We hold the event on a Saturday so that the Dads can join in the fun.  It is a time of games, food and always lots of fun.  We plan the event around a book or books used in our curriculum - Five in a Row.  It's been a very hands-on, creative and effective way to learn about a country, place or time period.

This year we chose the book Follow the Drinking Gourd.  It is a story about a group of runaway slaves during the Civil War and their flight to freedom.  For our location this year, we met at Bennett Place.  This is one of our state's historic sites - a Civil War site where one of the major surrunders of the war took place.  Being able to have our event here added authenticity in a way that homemade props couldn't.  The staff were wonderfully accomodating and made this a much easier event to plan and carry off than some we have done in the past. 

This is our wonderful group!

In order to pull off a large event, each mom in the group takes on a job so that the work is distributed and doesn't fall on just a couple of people.  This has worked so very well and I know it's because we have such a delightful group of moms/families in our group!

As we walked up to the event, we were greeted by signs telling of our day.

We started our morning with a couple of activities.  The folks at the historic site gave our group tours of the buildings and told of events that had happened at this site in addition to sharing stories of the time period.  This is the first year we've had someone outside of our group participating in a large teaching portion (though we did have square dance callers during our "prairie" event).  This worked well to take some of the load off of the moms and provide for a more relaxing day for all of us!

We also had areas where the children could play games - checkers, playing pretend with a stretcher, playdoh shapes or just making up their own fun.

We had a potluck lunch.  We divide up the type of dishes and there is always plenty to try.  We select recipes or food items from the country or time period and use this to set a beautiful table.  The food is always fun, interesting and bountiful!

While we ate lunch picnic style, we enjoyed music from the brother-in-law of one of the Moms.  He did a great job and even learned the song from our book to play for us!

The highlight of the day came after lunch.  The children went on a "scavenger hunt" type of trail - reenacting the flight to freedom from the book.  The trail led through the woods and their were signs on the trail (just like in the book) as well as reward posters for the catching of a fugitive.  The children were to find their way along the trail in order to end in freedom.  We had 9 stops along the trail.  Five of them were manned by a character.  We split into small groups so that the experience could be better enjoyed by all.

To start the journey, the gal that designed the trail set the stage telling of possible dangers and the need to be swift and brave.  She was very descriptive in her dramatization and then asked our 6yo if he would lead the way.  After thinking for just a moment, he replied ... "Ladies first".  (What a funny moment!)

I wanted to share this photo of the start of the trail so you could see a little of how the woods looked and see that it was dense and large enough that one stop could not be seen from another.  We followed signs and marks in the woods to find our way.

Our first stop was to see Peg-Leg Joe who was working and told the slaves about the route to freedom.

From there, we had to cross a stream in a boat. 

Hide in a tree from wild dogs who were chasing us.

Hide in a cornfield.

Hide in a cemetary.

We were met by a kind boy that offered us food.

We were taken in by a farmer who hid us in his barn.  (It was an underground secret hiding place in the book.)  We were blessed to be able to use a real old building/barn in the woods for this stop.

The next stop was at the home of a quaker abolitionist.  The quilt outside let us know it was a safe place.  While there she treated us kindly and then sent us on the last leg of the journey.

We finally reached Canada and freedom!

Just a cute photo of Eliana dressed for the day.

 I have soooo many pictures that it was hard to narrow it down - even so, this is a lot of photos.  I hope you enjoyed having a peek at our day.  I love so many things about this day - it's fun, hands-on and interactive.  I love including the Dads.  I love seeing the moms all work together to pull off a fabulous event.  It's teamwork at it's best!  I'm thankful to be a part of this group!

Though this happened last November, it's been something I've been wanting to share.  It seems that there have been a lot of other things to post about since then and I'm just now getting around to it. 

I've been so blessed to be a part of this Five in a Row group.  I remember when I had been praying about starting a new homeschool group and approached a friend about the idea.  She loved and and added that she had also been praying about it - and that I would start one!  I love seeing God's hands on things right from the start.  Thank you dear friends for all that you do to make this group wonderful!

With love,

Leslie

 

A short photo montage

that I thought was worth sharing.  I'm hoping I can get the link to work.

 Be

I am praying that I can be a voice that speaks up - praising God for His beautiful work in the lives of EVERY child.  I'm thankful I've been given the opportunity to learn more and I hope and pray I will use it wisely.

Great Visit with the ENT!

Just had to write about our ENT visit today.  Shortly after we arrived, the tech did the first hearing test.  Eliana was asleep so the test was quick and easy.  She passed!!!  I was so excited to hear those words!  The second test was also easy even though by now she had woken up.  This one tested her middle ear (ear drum and fluid in the ear).  She also passed this one!  The tech commented that it was unusual for there to be no fluid in the ear.  Thank you God!

We waited for awhile to see the ENT.  He checked her briefly and told me that she was in the 10-20% of children without ear problems.  I asked if this was for all children or those with Down syndrome.  He responded that he was referring to those with Down syndrome.  He said she is in the minority.  I commented that sometimes being in the minority was a good thing.  He thought about this for a moment and then agreed.  He said it wasn't often a good thing, but in this case, it certainly is a blessing!

When he started to check her ears, I wasn't sure how he wanted her to be.  She was on my lap, facing me.  He tried to look in her ears this way, and she moved too much.  He then asked me to turn her so that her back was to me.  I did and then tried to hold her head.  Her hand grabbed at him and then he asked me to hold her hand.  He then laughed and said that he could tell we'd had no ear problems as I had not yet learned how to best hold a wiggly baby for an ear exam.  We are soooo thankful to have had no ear infections or other problems!  I told him I'd learned how to hold for blood draws and other procedures and was happy to have missed the lessons on this one. 

He said that since she has passed two hearing exams in a row that she was doing great!  He then went on to tell me that he was available if I needed him.  We don't have to schedule to come back at ALL.  He said he knew that we probably had a lot of medical appointments and that being able to take one off the list would probably be appreciated - and he is right!  He said that he trusted that we were taking good care of Eliana and she is well connected in the medical community as well - so no scheduled appointments. 

I'm thanking God for this sweet bit of news.  It's nice to get a break after all she has been through this past year.  Do you ever sometimes feel like you "deserve" a break?  I know that I can feel that way, though the truth is that I don't "deserve" anything.  There are so many people who have been and are going through so much more than I have.  I'm thankful for this blessing.  I'm grateful for both Eliana and for our family.  It is a relief to have something taken off the list of things to be concerned about, kwim?

As I was riding home and listening to the radio, I heard a song about walking through trials.  The singer questioned if she had the chance to go back and make different choices so that the road would be easier - would she?  She noted that no, she would not.  I thought about this and have even been asked this.  Would I go back and do things differently?  No.  This path is a challenge - but also a blessing.  I see things differently now and for that I'm thankful too.  I have learned a lot on this path and think that my heart has had some repairs on it as well. 

When I was pregnant with Eliana I was studying James.  I questioned the passage in the first chapter - you know the one - "consider it all joy when you face trials".  I had a hard time understanding how you could do that.  I still think it is a hard thing.  I have learned better how to do that - and am sure I have much more to learn.  I'm grateful for so many things.  I am truly a blessed woman.

With love,

Leslie